It May Already Be Too Late!

I’m very enthusiastic about anything that makes corporate IT suck less (such as BYOD, Bring Your Own Device), and despite not working for any company other than myself, I’m still quite sensitive to things that increase IT suckitude. And I’ve found the later recently in a blog post over at Juniper called “BYOD Isn’t As Scary As You Think, Mr. or Ms. CIO“.

The title of the article seems to say that BYOD isn’t scary for corporate environments. But the article reads as if the author intended to induce a panic attack.

The article is frustrating for a couple of reasons. One, CIOs might take that shit seriously, and while huffing on a paper bag because of panic-induced hyperventilation, might fire off a new bone-headed security policy. One would hope that someone at the CIO level would know better, but I’ve known CIOs that don’t.

Two, one of the great things about smart phones is the lack of shitty security products on them. And you want to go ruin that? If I’m bringing my own device, with saucy texts from my supermodel girlfriends, I’m not likely to let any company put anything on my phone.

Why Ensign Ro, those are not bridge-duty appropriate texts you’re sending to Commander Data

Three, of the possible security implications with smart phones, only a couple of edge cases would even be solved by the software that Juniper offers as a solution. For instance, the threat of a rogue employee. You used to be able to tell if you were let go because your passwords didn’t work, now you could know when your phone reboots and wipes. But how do you know they’ve gone rogue? Why, monitor photos and texts on that employee’s phone of course.

Wait, what?

You can monitor emails, texts, and camphone images? With Junos Pulse mobile security, you can.

Hi there Brett Favre, Big Brother here. We, uhh, couldn’t help but notice that photo you texted from your personal phone that we are always monitoring…

This is just making corporate security, which already sucks, even worse. It’s a mentality that is lose-lose. The IT organization would get additional complexity for very little gain, and the users would get more hindrance, little security, and a huge invasion of privacy. Maybe I’m alone in this, but if any company offered me a job and required my personal device be subjected to this, the compensation package would need to include a mega-yacht to make it worthwhile.

I’ve been self employed since 2007, and having been free of corporate laptop builds, moldy email systems, and maniacal IT managers, I can say this: Being independent is 30% about calling the shots on my own schedule, 70% is calling the shots on my own equipment.

“That’s a very attractive offer, however judging from that crusty-ass laptop you have an the bizarre no-Mac policy by your brain-dead IT head/security officer, working for your company would eat away at my soul and cause me to activate the genesis device out of frustration.”

I really like Juniper, I do. But one of the things you do with friends is call them on their shit. I do it with Cisco all the time, now it’s Juniper’s turn.